i_love_freddie: (Freddie)
[personal profile] i_love_freddie
Trigger warnings for this one: Child abuse, rape, violence.


I can't remember a time when there was no violence. My memories of the early years were hazy, but there was violence... not against people, that I know of, but most definitely against objects. Even as young as three or four I remember the shouting. Crashing as things were thrown. Tears.

And then I was 6 and I remember... standing at the top of the stairs, looking down at my mother slumped on the bottom step in her red t-shirt that was meant to be white. I remember the ambulance men taking her away while I screamed for her, and the huge police officers who tried to ask me where my dad was. The next day, refusing to leave my grandfather's side, I helped him wash her blood from the wall.

For the rest of my childhood, I remember the drunk and violent fights. The screaming and crying. The threats. I remember my stepfather saying to me: “I am going to kill your mother.” I remember the holes in the wall. I remember the sound of shattering glass.

I remember that shadowy figure who came into my bedroom, naked and erect.

I remember being left alone at school, with no friends and no allies. The pushes and kicks and slaps. The names – nasty names that I still hear in my head. The spitting. Most of all, I remember the fear of not knowing where the next attack would come from.

Then I was a teenager, and no longer immune from the violence myself. I remember the drunken rages, the verbal abuse. I remember my one prized possession being smashed in front of me. I remember the slaps, the hair-pulling, being pinned against the bathroom wall by my throat.

When I was 20, I met my first boyfriend. I remember how he grabbed my arm and dragged me down the street, leaving finger bruises on my flesh. The time he slapped my face because I dared to answer him back. And most of all I remember that night I told him “No” and he violated me anyway, leaving me bleeding and traumatised on the floor of a shared bathroom.

Long before I knew what terrorism was, many years before I was even able to comprehend that violence was a wide-spread problem across the world, I was already numb to it. I had to be to survive.

I still remember.
From:
Anonymous( )Anonymous This account has disabled anonymous posting.
OpenID( )OpenID You can comment on this post while signed in with an account from many other sites, once you have confirmed your email address. Sign in using OpenID.
User
Account name:
Password:
If you don't have an account you can create one now.
Subject:
HTML doesn't work in the subject.

Message:

 
Notice: This account is set to log the IP addresses of everyone who comments.
Links will be displayed as unclickable URLs to help prevent spam.

Profile

i_love_freddie: (Default)
Silver

August 2017

S M T W T F S
  12345
6 789101112
13141516171819
20212223242526
2728293031  

Most Popular Tags

Style Credit

Expand Cut Tags

No cut tags
Page generated Sep. 19th, 2017 01:27 pm
Powered by Dreamwidth Studios