i_love_freddie: (Freddie)
[personal profile] i_love_freddie
Darkness closing in... lights flash and colours swirl. Faces peer from the walls, mouths open and closing. I look away and they are gone. They whisper but I can barely hear the words. Taunting... teasing...

I see things; random things. A tree where there shouldn't be one. A spider, crawling over my skin. A shadow, a person standing in the corner of my room, hovering over me at night.

I look in the mirror and see a face that is not my own. My hands look odd, strange, as though they belong to someone else. Blood trickles down my arm - I can feel the warmth.

Time moves too fast; or stands still. Minutes feel like seconds, whole days disappear in a flash. Evenings drag on, eternal.

Being outside is hard. People are looking - are they whispering about me? Reading my thoughts? It feels as though everyone is out to get me, hurt me. I don't know who can be trusted, who might be lying.

What is truth? I have no idea what is real and what is in my head. I am trapped in a nightmarish reality - but is it a nightmare of my own creation?

Or just reality?


(Footnote: The prompt is very loose with this one, but this is my reality at the moment, the reality of the struggle with active psychosis with no professional support)

Date: 2016-12-15 11:11 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] snogged.livejournal.com
This gave me chills.

Date: 2016-12-16 03:52 am (UTC)
jerusha: (parker thumbs up)
From: [personal profile] jerusha
I really liked this. I think you captured what it feels like to have a mental health problem (with no support) really well.

Date: 2016-12-16 09:01 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] trepkos.livejournal.com
This must be terrifying. I hope you get some help very soon.

Date: 2016-12-17 03:53 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] rayaso.livejournal.com
I hope you are able to find help! This was a great and terrifying description.

Date: 2016-12-19 06:37 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sinnamongirl.livejournal.com
Thank you for your entry!

Date: 2016-12-20 01:06 am (UTC)
ext_29986: (Default)
From: [identity profile] fannishliss.livejournal.com
I really hope you are able to find support.

Date: 2016-12-20 08:01 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] penpusher.livejournal.com
You capture the disjointedness and confusion of this circumstance in a way that makes it understandable and relatable, great work for the concise piece you have offered.

Date: 2016-12-20 08:04 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] halfshellvenus.livejournal.com
This was an interesting idea to explore-- especially because most people with delusional mental illness are certain that their perceptions are correct. How can they be sure of what's real and what isn't?

Date: 2016-12-20 11:12 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] murielle.livejournal.com
Hon can you get help? (Concerned for you. Gentle hugs)

Beautifully written in spite of being in the very antithesis of beauty.

Date: 2016-12-20 03:26 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] dmousey.livejournal.com
If you haven't a support system- go to the emerg. room. You may have to stay a few days, but they will give you dx, meds, and referral for psychiatrist. Many states now have grants for mental health patients- I recieved my mental healthcare here in NJ- through just such a system. You pay on a sliding scale based on income. If you're not from the states, I'm sorry.

Anyhoo- thanks for sharing this. Hugs and peace~~~D

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