i_love_freddie: (Freddie)
[personal profile] i_love_freddie
You have to look ahead. Look for an opening.

I learned that at a young age. A lot of abused children do.

Some people are always looking ahead, usually as a way to gain advantage over others. In such a fast-paced world, that is what has become important. The better job. More money. A bigger house. A better car than the neighbour has. Always competing and pushing for more. How many people will cut out someone else to get what they think they nee or manipulate a situation to get that opening?

Does it make people happy?

For me, it has never been about getting a personal advantage - it has been about survival. Thinking ahead to try and avoid the abuse, to try and stay away from those who might wish to harm me, to escape from situations where there was danger.

To attempt to protect my younger brothers and sisters. Sometimes at the cost of my own safety. Often I failed; how can you expect a child to confidently predict the behaviours of adults?

But I always tried.

Date: 2017-01-07 03:51 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] snogged.livejournal.com
Is it okay for me to send virtual hugs?

Date: 2017-01-07 05:19 am (UTC)

Date: 2017-01-08 12:38 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] j0ydivided.livejournal.com
I loved this take on the prompt. Thank you for sharing, and I hope things are better for all of you now. <3

Date: 2017-01-08 07:24 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] halfshellvenus.livejournal.com
There's so much truth in this. The vigilance of always watching other people's moods (in case they begin edging toward anger), of watching circumstances, of reigning in your own behavior in case it triggers something...that hyper-awareness of the moment and where it might go is something most people cannot even begin to imagine, and it is exhausting.

Date: 2017-01-10 01:24 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] dmousey.livejournal.com
Know one talks about how exhausting it is... or how ingrained it becomes.

Date: 2017-01-10 09:34 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] murielle.livejournal.com
Amen! It is utterly exhausting. It leaves no enery for anything else. To be constantly vigilant, on guard, under threat of bodily harm, psychological attack, emotional abuse - what's left?

Date: 2017-01-08 11:38 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] penpusher.livejournal.com
Children really are sponges for information - always looking to understand their world, to try to make sense of what people do. That's why childhood is so important and has such an impact on the rest of a person's life.

Thanks for this reminder.

Date: 2017-01-10 12:54 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] my-name-is-jenn.livejournal.com
Oh, yes. I learned very well as a small child the importance of planning ahead.

Date: 2017-01-10 01:21 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] dmousey.livejournal.com
Hugs and more hugs. As my kids would say- all the feels. Every word of this is true. Abused kids do learn to read faces and postural cues. This is why we have PTSD and are painfully hypersensitive, it is so hard to separate from it, even as an adult. (Sigh) Many of us die trying to protect our sibs, and we all bear scars. This is a club no child should ever be in. Sending you some positive and healing thoughts. Peace~~~D

Date: 2017-01-10 06:13 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] cheshire23.livejournal.com
I'm sorry you had to go through that. :(

Date: 2017-01-10 08:28 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sinnamongirl.livejournal.com
*hugs* I get this; it sucks. Very succinct and clear; good job.

Date: 2017-01-10 07:56 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] dee-aar2.livejournal.com
Child abuse never goes away ... time doesn't heal. The why's remain painfully unanswered. And yes we do tend to plan ahead ... be overly cautious , have deeply ingrained doubts and yes every other relationship gets tainted.


Date: 2017-01-10 09:28 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] murielle.livejournal.com

Yes! Truth! I have always had to this...even today! I'm sorry you went through it too.

Date: 2017-01-11 12:18 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] kajel.livejournal.com
Hugs my friend. This was short, but heartbreaking to read.


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