A message for Alan:

I'm sorry for ever doubting what we had. I'm sorry that there were things left unsaid between us, and that I never got the chance to tell you how much you meant to me. I'm sorry that I wasn't there at the end, and I wish I'd at least had the chance to say goodbye.
Maybe it was wrong, and maybe I deserve this pain, but I will never regret taking the chance and getting to know you.
I'll always love you. And I'll make you proud of me one day, I promise.